These Feel Feel Feeling

In Raymond Barrio’s “The Plum Plum Pickers,” Barrio uses the idea of being a human by using names and religion to symbolize the humane ways of life. The author uses contradictions within his sentences to show how the characters in the story are mechanical in some ways but are still human when it comes to feelings and emotions. Barrio also uses the setting to describe these emotions more throughout the story. The main character at first feels trap, then relaxes only to them feel imprisoned again, all until he sets himself free by removing himself from his own mechanical ways.
In the story, the main characters name is Manuel which symbolically relates to the manual labor he mechanically does every single day of his life. Also the word man can be found within his name which relates to the theme of being human that Borrio stresses throughout the story. The character Roberto Morales is symbolic also because Roberto connects to the idea of being a robber and Morales means morals less. The story also uses a lot of religion references which relates to being human because in most religions God provides life to earth. “smiling in their cool filtered offices, puffing their elegant thin cigars, washed their clean blond bloodless dirtless hands of the whole matter. (par.8)” Connecting to religion is this idea of Pontius Pilot who also can be mistaken for Roberto robs Jesus, or Manuel of his life. Roberto takes away his ability to live life because every day he makes Manuel work picking apricots. The author connects this to the theme of what it means to have a life and be human.
The author uses paragraph two to three to show how once Manuel begins to feel human his machine ways take over and robs him of his life. The author uses words such lines such as “Sandy dreams. Cool nights. Cold drinks. Soft guitar music with Lupe sitting beside him. (par.3)” to describe the little things humans appreciate in life. However he soon contradicts himself by switching back to mechanical ways of life, “Tiredness drained his spirit of will. Exhaustion drained his mind. (par.3).”
The author theme in “The Plum Plum Pickers” is that being human means more then just working in fields all day for a living. At the end of the story, Manuel reclaims his humanity by taking down the machines that corrupted him for too long. “Men are built to experience a certain sense of honor and pride. Or else they are dead before they die. (par.24)” The author is saying that if men work all their lives like machines they might as well be dead because they miss out on that feeling of pride and honor that every man should experience while he is alive. This connects to Barrio’s theme of what it means to be human, it’s the feelings that we cherish that keep us alive.
Barrio keeps the theme going throughout the entire story until the very last sentence. He uses his characters to demonstrate to the reader that if one works all their life trying achieve something mechanically then that one loses their life. If humans were meant to be machines they would be however humans are giving the ability to feel which Manuel finally learns at the end of the story.

A Humument pg.179

On page 179 of Tom Phillip’s, A Humument, Phillip suggests that when two lovers come together it’s only a natural way of life to explore one other, body and mind and to succumb to those feelings of passion. Phillip uses circular shapes to represent the biology aspects of these passionate feelings but also his words help move the story together and keep this idea fresh in the viewers mind. The tale he sets up for the viewer is that this is a painting between two lovers, past lovers who come with good and bad feelings towards each other. When these are brought together their story of letting go and growing onto one another is nothing but a way of life and Phillip highly states this.

Phillip starts with the word “gent” at the very top of the page. He uses a man’s point of view through the entire painting which is effective because it’s a mans take on love and also how he reacts to heated feelings. One of the first things noticeable in the painting is the deep red and white circular figures in the middle of the piece. This gives off the idea of sexual feelings because it symbolizes the sperm which is apart of all men. “Her arm on his knee explored,” Phillip uses his words to convey the idea of a sexual nature when lovers reunite, or are just together. The dark red uses in between the off white symbolizes the idea of love and how these actions of passion should be shared only when there is love and nothing else. At the time though the red could symbolize the opposite of that, the red means heat and passion, mostly sin in the eyes of the white, God.

Phillip places this large awkward circle in the middle of the painting with the words, “former lovers” in between. This represents the characters in the artwork. However it also states, “started in horror” which is ironic. Horror would never be used to describe lovers, but then again former lovers do come with pasts. Perhaps Phillips tries to explain this to the audience, for us to understand how the story starts. These lovers are in horror because they should not be feeling this way, this moment of wanting to rekindle all that was once before, but even then we can only hold ourselves back for so long until we just let go. The circle represents a women’s egg, which connects to a man’s sperm in this idea of a sexual nature throughout the entire artwork.

The colors purple and green are hard to understand and connect to the idea that the artwork represents. Since these colors are the background to the painting, perhaps Phillips uses them to symbolize the past relationship shared between the two lovers that are the main focus in the foreground. The idea of green can symbolize envy and jealousy but also growth and life which connects to the lovers because perhaps their past was filled with lots of negativity but now is replaced with the foreground idea of creating life and growing an attachment with one another and share this moment. The color purple requires more intense thought however. Red and blue are used to create purple, so connecting this like green Phillip uses the individual colors to create meaning for the background. The color red represents this idea of love, hence former lovers but also the color blue represents this peacefulness which is shown in the painting. When green, blue, and red come together they clash with one other but come together into a typical relationship shared between two people.

The color white is also highly symbolic to the painting. Brought up towards of the beginning, white was noted to be symbolic towards God. However Phillip expands his beliefs beyond that. Phillip uses white to surround the deep red and the purple circle in the middle of the foreground because all of the lover’s intentions are pure. Perhaps the lovers have finally come to the conclusion that they cannot let past mistakes ruin the moment they are about to share. Though they are in the midst of a sinful encounter they love one other which is nothing but pure and real. Phillip uses white to even out the darker shades throughout the painting, even out the bad with the good.

Overall Phillips point is that love leads to new things, whether it’s plain and pure or heated and sinful, love is just love. New lovers create moments that they will always remember even if they break apart in the end and seen in Phillips pg. 179 former lovers can do the same. Take what they know in the past and learn from it to create a better future. Phillip’s painting can be taken in either as a sexual reference or a reference to growing and becoming more then what one thought beforehand. Phillips is able to create this playing off the ideas of colors, shapes, and the symbols they represent to human beings. In this case the lovers are more then just egg Sand sperm, they are more human then ever which is shown throughout the artwork.

Madame Bovary Posts 1-3

Madame Bovary Past One.
I want to go back to Meaghan’s first questions at the end of her post which asks about the significance of the ball and I think Flaubert is using this particular scene to foreshadow possibly what’s to come. The thing that really interested me was when Madame Bovary and the viscount danced the waltz. “They began slowly, then quickened their pace. They whirled and everything whirled around them –lamps, furniture, walls and floor – like a disk on a spindle. As they passed near a door, the hem of Emma’s gown caught on her partner’s trousers; their legs interlocked; he looked down at her, she looked up at him; a kind of torpor came over her and she stopped moving. They began to dance again; drawing her along more swiftly, the viscount led her to a remote corner at the end of the gallery, where, out of breath, she almost fell, and for a moment she rested her head on his chest. (pg.45)”
Madame Bovary talks about wanting more and finding love, I think this is the perfect foreshadow of just that. This paragraph is also very symbolic of a sexual nature. Also the imagery that Flaubert creates makes the reader feel as if they are a witness to this very seen and came feel everything. Also I want to point the part out where Charles is not a witness to this waltz can foreshadow how blind he is to his wife’s true desires.

One thing I also noticed was the way Flaubert incorporates the color green through most of his chapters. For example when Charles found the green silk cigar case with the coat of arms of the cover, I thought it was very ironic. I think the color green is a symbol of envy which Madame Bovary feels already towards people who have a better life then hers but also a foreshadow to Charles soon to be envy towards other suitors who captures his wife’s eyes.

Also when Michelle mentioned about the setting I think she has a great idea going. I think that Flaubert uses the setting to somewhat symbolize Charles and Emma’s marriage. On page 60-61 there is a great description of their new homeland which is written so beautifully. There is a specific line that I would like to point out, “The stream running along the edge of the grass forms a white line which separates the color of the meadow from that of the plowed land, thus making the countryside look like and enormous outspread cloak which has green velvet collar edged with silver braid. (pg.60)”

I think in this passage the white line that separates everything would the marriage itself. Because the beautiful meadow could symbolize Emma and her dreams of great things then the plowed lands gives off kind of a boring not so beautiful place such as Charles who does lead a boring life style. Again the green color could symbolize the envy they somewhat share however the silver braid still confuses me. I think this kind of braid would symbolize a tight bond of marriage which would be ironic because it’s not tight what so ever which could mean why the braid is silver and not white. Its not completely pure.

Why do you think Flaubert describes the setting so much? Do you think its symbolic of something also?


Madame Bovary Post Two

Its taken me a while but I have finally reached the end of part 2 in Madame Bovary. Right now I personally am not sure what to think of Emma and her situations she has put herself into. I’m going to start with Meghan’s question as to if Charles knows about the affair she is having with Rodolphe and I think he does. I mean if the town believes that Emma is having an affair why can he not? I think he chose’s to ignore it or I think Flaubert purposely leaves out exactly what Charles thinks because he does not want us to lose focus of Emma and the life she is living.

When Rodolphe offers Emma the horse, Charles is the one who steps in and tells Emma to take the horse. I think it’s ironic because Charles does love Emma but he sets himself up to get hurt without even noticing it. I feel bad for him but at the same time if he really loves her he should show her more affection then he does. Emma is looking for someone who is willing to devote all his time showing her affection and treating her right by providing her with rich things. However the only person I feel she would have the best relationship with would be Leon. I personally loved Leon’s character and couldn’t help but feel the emotion Flaubert would write about how hard it was for Leon to admit that he was in love with Emma.

I feel Leon was the best match because he knew that Emma was not available. Even though he was in love with her and often wanted to show his affection towards her he actually saw her as a human being, as a woman, and was in love with her because of who she was. There’s a passage “As for Emma, she did not ask herself whether she loved him. Love, she thought must come suddenly, with great outbursts and lightnings,—a hurricane of the skies, which sweeps down on life, upsets everything, uproots the will like a leaf and carries away the heart as in an abyss. She did not know that on the terrace of houses the rain makes lakes when the pipes are choked, and she would thus have remained safe in her ignorance when she suddenly discovered a rent in the wall.” Page.87

I think Flaubert is saying that love is not something you can take from a book and apply it in real life. Love is going to “upset everything” which I feel is somewhat foreshadowing a possible upset with Emma since Leon has come back into her life.

I have to go back to Rodolphe and Emma’s affair for a moment actually. I think the only reason Rodolphe was successful in his plan to seduce Emma was because she was on the rebound from Leon. I think because she never did anything about her feelings for Leon she was presented with a straightforward chance to make up for. She let herself get caught up in the moment and then when he left she didn’t know what to do. However at the beginning after Rodolphe confessed his “love” for he, the reason why he left for 6 weeks was because the heart grows founder. I think that the whole affair is a foreshadow of Leon and Emma in part 3, more so I hope that’s what will happen.

I also want to go back to Emma’s daughter Berthe which has been touched on before. I cannot believe how awful Emma is for a mother. She hits her child when shes looking for love from her mother and doesn’t often see her. I think its ironic because when Emma was younger her father gave her all the love in the world and the best of everything. However its terrible how she neglects her child. It makes me question if Emma even knows what love means besides the love she is looking for from a man.

Another thing is when Charles performs the operation for clubfoot which was unsuccessful. I feel that it was symbolic when Emma decided she was going to try to love Charles, it was just as unsuccessful.

What else do you guys have to say about Emma and her affairs?!

Madame Bovary Post 3
So I just finished the book and all I can say is wow that’s not how I thought the story would end. I’m actually kind of upset over the ending I personally think Flaubert could have made it so much more enjoyable, seeing as the story was a good read. I feel he wrote Emma off too easy and then Charles had to die that was sad. Let me start from the beginning of part three.

I was so happy to see Leon come back into Emma’s life. His character is filled with so much passion towards Emma and I was really interested as to see how she would react to her lost love. As they say, absence makes the heart grow founder right? Indeed it did. One part I want to quote is when both lovers take the carriage ride to no where.

“From his seat the driver occasionally cast desperate glances at the taverns he passed. He could not imagine what mania for the movement was keeping these people from ever wanting to stop. He tried now and then, but there was always an immediate outburst of an angry exclamations behind him; he would lash his two sweating nags more vigorously and set off again, paying no attention to bumps in the road and sideswiping things here and there; he was indifferently to everything around him, demoralized and almost weeping from thirst, fatigue and despair.” (pg.211)

I chose this passage because I noticed that it was a little ironic how Leon made the driver just drive wherever and him and Emma not say anything about. This passage gives off a feeling a secret passions rolling around in the back of the carriage. I think symbolically this shows Leon and Emma crossing that line from friends in love to passionate lovers. Flaubert write an amazing chapter with just the descriptions of what they endure in that long carriage ride without actually giving the whole affair away.

However not all good things end in wonderful ways. I think Emma becomes greedy towards her love for Leon. She takes advantage of the way he cares about her just as Rodolphe does to her. It just shows how selfish Emma really is, especially when she becomes indebt she and she asks Leon to take money from his clients to help her out.

“How do you expect me to….”
“You’re acting like a coward!” she cried.
“Things aren’t as bad as you think,” he said stupidly. (pg.257)

How is Leon being a coward? Emma is the one who cannot be honest with her husband about the debt she has put her family into. Her character angers me on how she takes advantage of everyone in her life. She has no respect for her family and especially herself seeing as she has been apart of two different love affairs.
I loved when Emma went to see Monsieur Guillaumin to ask for more money and he basically said the only way she would receive money is if she gave herself to him. I think for Emma it’s a real slap in a face and that pretty much starts the real downfall she suffers leading to her death. It also shows that Emma is not as respected as she once thought, people know she’s involved in all these secret affairs so she is starting to give herself a real low name that she carries until the end.

I also want to point out when Charles finds Rodolphes note in the attics. His reaction, “Maybe they loved each other platonically.” (pg. 296) To the end Charles still refuses to consider the idea of Emma having an affair, even after her death. Either way she loved another man and it doesn’t affect him until he accepts the truth and then dies because of a broken heart. He reminds me of the blind prophet only he saw everything as appose to Charles which is ironic.

Speaking of death at Emma’s funeral I thought it was ironic how there was black coming out of her mouth. She’s in a white wedding dress which is suppose to symbolize the purity of marriage which she lacked most of the time and all of a sudden black emerges from her mouth which represents all the sinful affairs she had throughout the marriage.

I have a few questions I want to point out.
First is why do you think Flaubert ended the story that way he did?
And also what do you think of what happened to Berthe in the end being sent off to work in the cotton mill?

Notebook Entry - From Hamlet Journal

Act3:4 lines 182-188

“Let the bloat king tempt you again to bed, Pinch wanton on your cheek, call you his mouse, And let him, for a pair of reechy kisses, Or padding in your neck with his damn’d fingers, Make you to revel all this matter out, That I essentially am not in madness, but mad in craft.”

Something I have picked up on while reading is that the women are told to trick the men, they are told to use their sexuality. Is Shakespeare saying that women are only necessary when it comes to using their bodies? However in a way he makes it so that they are powerful, being able to influence men so easily – being able to give men a sense of feminism because they are so easily influenced by so. They are powerful; Shakespeare makes them out to be weak because that’s how men see them as, ironic.


Act3:4 lines 34-38

“Peace, sit you down, And let me wring your heart, for so I shall –If it be made of penetrable stuff, If damned custom have not brass’d it so, That it be proof and bulwark against sense.”

I would connect this passage to my strand strumpet. Hamlet uses words such as penetrable, bulwark, and wring. This passage questions Hamlet’s actual relationship with his mother. He insults her by basically wringing her heart of all the pain she has suffered from –if she didn’t have such a cold heart she could show some real feelings. This brings up the idea of why does Hamlet resent women? Or why does he always insult them using their sexual nature? Perhaps it goes back to the Oedipus complex –he truly desires his mother, his maternal bond with his mother –unable to break from it. Also it could be the fact that she can create life, unlike himself going back to Portrait.

Hamlet Act 3:1 Soliloquy

Laurence Oliver’s video on Hamlet’s Soliloquy in Act3:1 was the best of the three videos displayed. Even though the film was very old and in black and white it’s as if Oliver directed it trying to achieve that effect. The clip starts out captivating with the sound the ocean playing in the background as the camera does a landscape shot and then zooms in to focus on our actor, Hamlet, about make his most famous speech.
Just as Hamlet is about to speak, the background music becomes very suspenseful, pulling the audience in even more into the story before it has even begun. “To be, or not to be, that is the question. (line55)” Hamlet ponders this as the mist and clouds roll into the foreground as Hamlet sits alone on a rock, delivering his speech. Deep in the thought, the actor ponders this idea of to be or not to be. Hamlet is saying whether one should live or not to live, but also to take action or not to take action. This idea leads us through the entire soliloquy with Hamlet stuck between this idea of taking action which can lead to death or not taking action but dying anyways. “Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them. (58-59)” Laurence really uses this line to set the scene, using the ocean waves to show exactly the kind of trouble he is talking about during his soliloquy.
Laurence then brings a dagger into the scene, creating more tension then before. “To die, to sleep, perchance to dream –ay, there’s the rub, for in sleep of death what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off. (63-66)” The camera focus’s only on Hamlet during this part of the soliloquy, to really focus on the seriousness Hamlet presents. He is talking about this idea of dreams which he brings up throughout the entire play. Hamlet describes dreams as a rub, an obstacle, which he has a hard time trying to get past as the play progresses. He then wonders what dreams would come from permanent sleep, when our soul leaves our trapped body and moves on. Still focused on Hamlet he states, “Th’oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely, the pangs of despis’d love, the law’s delay, the insolence of office, and the spurns that patient merit of th’unworthy takes when he himself might his quietus make with a bare bodkin. (70-75)” Hamlet is saying that the opposing force insults the proud man, and to feel the loss of love, the pathetic rulers who delay off lawful rights will soon be gone along with the effects of all these unworthy causes, they will end at with a mere dagger. Laurence uses the dagger to really enhance the scene and to show Hamlet’s characterization during this part of the act. When Hamlet closes his eyes, his speech still continuing, it shows just how deep in thought he really is. It shows that he is serious about taking action, which foreshadows the climax of the play soon to come.
Dark clouds roll into the scene as Hamlet moves from his rock for the first time to keep speaking. “But that the dread of something after death, the undiscover’d country from whose bourn no travelers returns, puzzles the will, and makes us rather bear those ills we have, than fly to others that we know not of? (lines77-81)” Death is brought up numerous times during his soliloquy. It could foreshadow not only the death of Claudius but also the death of Hamlet. He speaks of death with such knowledge to as if he has experienced it already, but at the same time knowing he has yet too, it frightens him which is why he struggles about killing Claudius. He states now that when one dies, it’s dreadful not knowing exactly where one might end up, whether it’s in Hades or up in Heaven. With no knowledge of these foreign places it completely baffles him and instead death holds him to all his faults he has experienced in life and then determines the right spot for him. Hamlet in the movie then brings his dagger closer and closer to where his mind is held and continues with his speech. “Thus conscience does make cowards [of us all], and thus the native hue of resolution is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought, and enterprises of great pitch and moment, with this regard their currents turn awry, and lose the name of action. (82-87)” Hamlet keeps with this idea about how humans act when determining their after life fate. He states that one’s conscience will always make one look scared, because everyone is scared of death, it’s only natural. When one underestimates their fear and achieves for something higher they will fall and lose the action they waited for. And that ends his speech however the actor walks toward the cliff and looks over the ocean and then descends down stairs and ends the scene. It looks almost as if he is walking into Hades himself, he has decided to take action and kill for revenge. It’s ironic because Hamlet acts and speaks knowing he is afraid of what comes during the after life. It’s as if he knows he is going to die soon, its going to be over. Laurence really captures that fear as he walks into his hell, and that’s why it was the best out of the three.

Shards Of Music

Track Listing
1. Paramore - Born For This
2. The Romones - Punishment Fits the Crime
3. Anti-Flag - Until It Happens To You
4. Catch 22 - Bloomfield Ave
5. Thursday - War All The Time
6. Jason Mraz - Curbside Prophet
7. Hellogoodbye - Oh, It Is Love
8. Fall Out Boy - You're Crashing But You're No Wave
9. Death Cab For Cutie - Crooked Teeth
10. Coheed & Cambria - Three Evils
11. Cartel - Burn This City
12. Britney Spears - I Love Rock n' Roll
13. Bayside - Devotion & Desire
14. Augustana - Lonley People
15. Journey - Midnight Train
16. The Rocket Summer - So Much Love

For my creative project I chose to research poet and musician, Ed Sanders. He caught my eye during the film because it was mentioned he was known as one of the founders of punk rock music. Music is something that defiantly pulls me in and keeps in interested. Ed Sanders did just that when I began my research process about his life. Not only was he a poet and a musician but was also an active social activist, novelist, and publisher. He was also part of the beat generation that brought the likes of Jack Kerouac who was a fellow writer. In New York City’s Greenwich Village he wrote his first poem inside a jail cell for protesting, the poem was called “Poem from Jail.” He kept a public journal and opened the Peace Eye Bookstore which was a place for fellow radicals. He was apart of a band called The Fugs which lead to the formation of the genre “punk rock” music. He currently lives in Woodstock, New York where he publishes the Woodstock Journal and lives with his wife Miriam.
I went about with this research process by first looking up as much as I could find on the life of Ed Sanders. I wanted to know more about his influence in the music world and also some of his most famous works of literature. It was not easy for me to find much on his writing because most was only found in novels at the library. So I focused mostly on his musical side, which interested me the most. The Fugs produced 8 albums in total on two different record labels. Also Sanders four solo albums he produced. Now in his older ages he designs musical instruments and contraptions fellow musicians can use to better their music.
For my creative project I decided to make a mix album featuring some of the artists that have influenced my life and apply their songs to the life of Sanders and some of the titles of his poems that he wrote. I tried to include some fan favorites such as the Ramones and Catch 22’s. However at the same time I felt I needed to include a song by Anti-Flag which most people would consider punk for today’s generation. Some of my personal favorites such as Fall Out Boy and Augustana were included because they went along with some of the poem titles Sander came up with. Yes Britney Spears was also included because back in Sander’s day, rock n roll was The Fugs, so what’s better then I love rock n roll. Curbside Prophet by Jason Mraz was included because it reminded me of what I think the beat generation would be like, crazy raps that changed the world. Cartel and Death Cab For Cutie were added because I felt that most people from Sander’s could relate the lyrics of the songs which I also thought would tie into the beat generation. Hellogoodbye, The Rocket Summer, and Journey were added because I know during the beat generation love was a big thing for young people, plus Journey is classic. All other artists and songs were added because they related to the topics in Sanders poems and went well with the other songs in the mix.
My piece simply was created to describe the musical side of Sanders life and generation as he tried to write and play music. I wanted to get across my views on his poems and also incorporate some of myself into the creative side. Music is something I love and I though a mix CD would be perfect for this particular man because he is in fact a man who changed the way young people view music today. Punk Rock is one of the most popular genres today and too think that one man and his way with words would capture the attention of future generations to come. He is truly someone I have grown to admire and will remember when I research more in the music field. Maybe one day I will start a genre of my own music thanks to his inspiration in my life.

"His Lips Would Not Bend."

In James Joyce’s A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, Joyce uses Stephen’s relationships with women throughout the novel to show Stephen’s growth as a character. Joyce mostly focus’s on the relationship between mother and son during the first part of the novel, as Stephen struggles to find out the wrongs and rights when he kisses his mother. The novel then changes to a sexual nature when Stephen tests his innocence with the beautiful Mercedes. Then towards the end he discovers his struggles with letting go when he shares a relationship with a woman as oppose to try and control it for himself. Stephen’s evolution as a character connects mostly to the Oedipus theory and then hits a feministic view. Joyce also use’s symbols to better understand Stephen’s levels of maturity expressed throughout the novel.
Stephen shares a strong relationship with his mother throughout the novel mostly until Wells confronts Stephen one day about this special bond. “Tell us Dedalus, do you kiss your mother every night before you go to bed?”(26) The idea of kissing ones mother connects to the Oedipus complex, when Oedipus removed his eyes because he was so ashamed.
“When they were grown up he was going to marry Eileen. He his under the table. His mother said: --O Stephen will apologize.
Dante said: --O, if not, the eagles will come and pull out his eyes.
Pull out his eyes, Apologize, Apologize, Pull out his eyes.”(21)


A child of Stephen’s age starts to develop this idea of being a father figure, which is ironic seeing as his mother already has him matched with Eileen. Eileen in a way
symbolizes this idea of being a mother and having that kind of loving relationship Stephen looks for throughout the novel.
Eileen also connects to this idea of being a mother, “Eileen had long white hands. One evening when playing tig she had put her hands over his eyes: long and white and thin and cold and soft. That was ivory: a cold white thing. That was the meaning of Tower of Ivory.”(45) The symbol of hands connects to the idea of castration, keeping Stephen from becoming a man because he can not break from this mother bond he shares with women. The passage also brings up The Blessed Virgin Mary when it mentions “Tower of Ivory” which connects to Stephen because he shares this strong connection with Mary through most of the novel. Stephen’s reaction with his mother however strongly shows his innocence throughout the beginning of the novel which continues for the next few chapters. This innocent idea is brought up in the Psychoanalytical Criticism when they use the symbol of eyes to better understand Stephen’s state of mind about the situation. Oedipus pulls out his eyes for doing more then just kissing his mother, ashamed of all the faces he would have to see when they found out. “The loss of eyes is an image of castration.”(281) Kissing one’s mother shows the loss of also masculinity that Stephen feels in the moment when he cannot answer Well’s question. When Stephen breaks from this idea it’s symbolically shows the leaving from the womb.
“He sprang from bed, the reeking odor pouring down his throat, clogging and revolting his entrails. Air! The air of heaven! He stumbled towards the window, groaning and almost fainting with sickness. At the washstand a convulsion seized him within: and, clasping his cold forehead wildly, he vomited profusely in agony.”(128) The passage goes back to the idea of Stephen coming out of the womb and into a chaotic world. He has to learn to fend for himself in this cold place with the help of no one. This is also another way to show his lose of innocence because it’s the break from his mother and her watch over him. Stephen no longer needs his mother kissing him goodnight, he needs to man up and find a new level of maturity which he reaches just in time to meet the beautiful Mercedes in the garden.
Stephen meets the next woman in his life to help him explore this idea of kissing and more is the beautiful Mercedes, only known to him through dreams.
“As he brooded upon her image, a strange unrest crept into his blood.”(69) Stephen is unknown to this certain sexual feeling he is experiencing inside of him. “The noise of children at play annoyed him,” (69) he’s beginning to change, “he did not want to play.”(69)
This is moment he matures one step further. Stephen, suddenly interested in a mature manner is unable to go back to his childhood. He loses his innocence not only to Mercedes but also to himself. After the kissing his mother incident, Stephen goes into the situation with a mind set that he doesn’t want to be immature and young anymore, he suddenly has a desire to go against everything he believes in to mature.
A wise decision in Joyce’s eyes because he then sets the character to a level where he can start believing and making decisions for himself, “he wanted to meet the real world the unsubstantial image which his soul so constantly beheld.”(69) Stephen is finally able to let himself go, and so does Joyce. “They would be alone, surrounded by
darkness and silence: and in that moment of supreme tenderness he would be transfigured.”(69) Stephen’s innocence “would fall from him,”(69) and so it does.
As Stephen goes on his journey of becoming a man he thinks of another beautiful girl named Emma who exists only in Stephen’s imagination as a “flattering, taunting, searching, exciting his heart”(323) kind of girl. Dreaming up these women shows how Stephen feels uncontrollable when he in a relationship with another person. This leads to why he makes up these women, who only bend for him and nothing else. “Stephen gains symbolic mastery over Emma’s erratic movements.”(323) If Stephen does not have this control he feels ashamed and inferior to the women around him. “He wanted to be held firmly in her arms, to be caressed slowly, slowly, slowly. In her arms he felt he has suddenly become strong and fearless and sure of himself. But his lips would not bend to kiss her”(99) This passage shows that even though Stephen loves being in a woman’s arm he still suffers from that stubbornness of not wanting to admit the love he feels. In ways this shows that Stephen is still somewhat innocent and never really does grow up from his immature ways. “Take hands together, my dear children, and you will be happy together and your hearts will love each other.”(111) Stephen builds up this idea that love is a blissful thing that just happens and it can be controlled whenever found however that’s not true. Stephen dreamed up Mercedes and then dreamed up Emma, showing that he cannot accept the fact that these women don’t truly exist and he pulls away from potential real lovers. “Asked me was I writing poems? About whom? I asked her. This confused her more and I felt sorry and mean. Turned off that valve at once,”(223) Stephen thinks he can handle women but in fact he cannot, because he is a man and



thinks he can control women it is keeping him from maturing to the next level.
So Joyce in fact leaves the reader thinking that Stephen has grown from all his mistakes and found himself when truly he is still at a loss to life.
Joyce uses women to show that Stephen has evolved as a character but at the same time he is still a naïve boy not sure how to act. The relationships he forms with all of the female characters show Stephen can learn from his mistakes as he does at the end with Davin’s story.
“The words of Davin’s story sang in his memory and the figure of the woman in the story stood forth reflected in other figures of the peasant women whom he had seen standing in the doorways at Clane as the college cars drove by, as a type of her race and his own, a batlike soul waking to the consciousness of itself in the darkness and the secrecy and loneliness and, through the eyes and voice and gesture of a woman without with guile, calling the stranger to her bed.”(165)
Stephen believes that he has finally found that connection he had been looking for with all the women in his life. He thinks he understands the life a prostitute leads, but this is untrue. Going back to his relationship with Emma he believe that anyone can just fall in love and get married, its just that simple but its not. I think the women in Stephen’s life somewhat helped him thought when it comes down to the understanding. More so his relationship with the Virgin Mary who he did look up too when he was lost in his sin and the idea’s of wrong and right in the church.


His mother taught him that as a young man he needs to break away from the innocence he posses with his mother and come out of the womb.
“Like the Court of Monte Cristo, he turns away from Emma in proud abnegation, determined to possess his mistress wholly through art.”(323) Joyce writes as Stephen Dedalus grows into the man he was looking to be and thanks to the women he meets, they help him evolve into something much more, the artist.

Spinning Towards Success

With the stadium lights cascading down on my face, the sound of the cheering crowd behind me adds to the excitement. As we start I let my flag conduct a show of its own with the flow of the music. It leads me through one song to another, set by set as my flag sails through the air tightly in my grasp. By the end of our performance I can feel the rush from the entire ensemble as we clear the field with hopes of scoring well. We wait patiently until the judge announces our first place victory and everyone erupts with joy, all our hard work and dedication pays off.
A year ago I had never had been apart of anything that made me as happy as the as colorguard does. My close friends were apart of the team in the winter and had asked me to join numerous times until I decided to give it a try. I even remember my first practice and everything I felt that night. I would channel all of my nervous emotions into concentration and when the music started I just spun, trying to keep with the pulse. I have dedicated hours of time working to become better.
Being apart of such a team I have also grown to appreciate the sound of music much more then I ever have before. I have always had a love for music since I was in middle school. I attend local concerts every month or so and have met some of my closest friends while doing so. The next coming month I’m attending four shows that are bound to be amazing. With the same kind of passion for music as I do colorguard I hope to one day learn beyond what I know in the field. I would love to write about local musicians aspiring to be something great and inform others of what I think is worth tuning into.
Colorguard has symbolically taught me a lot about my current life and what will soon become. Being apart of such a dedicated team has shown me that even late in the game I can still catch up with a lot of hard work and a few challenges. I also have grown a lot of patience and know that things take time to become perfect. I have also learned to manage a lot of my time and keep an organized schedule which allows me to complete school, job, and team work. I plan using these qualities for the rest of my life, especially through the next couple of years where I know my life is going to completely change. I hope to develop some long lasting ones also in college and beyond that for as long as I live.

Grow From Your Past.

“Slow Dancing”

Here I am at 12:36 am, at a loss for words I cannot hide from my frame.
The air is sour and still, filled without words to keep me from myself, on my way to what I have yet decided streetscape
I drink some water which keeps me going and strong to have such strength keeps me faithful
In. The streets look for something I used to love, I used to trust, or me. They swirl me with touches of tension I once felt many moons ago before the stars clouded my senses, its unfair how they leave me so heavyhearted, why on me, I have only swept
through it, them, as the feeling of sounds and touch being sipped on others now that I have slipped years almost ago, and the man I once known, the man I had once known, gone & telling.
Who would have thought that I’d be here, nothing would have stopped me then, nothing would have come so close, nothing would have kept me too far away, everything would have stopped me though, ideas of emotions would keep me running all the miles in the world and I would never stop, not for you or them, I would be a lost cause.
Up in the sky they saw something more then I saw myself, now more then ever before?
Not that I stopped running I just ran in and saw dark coat eyes penetrating everything I have ever once believed in & used to believe in.
Not that I ever stopped believing, at seventeen, who was going to have to go, careening into life at full speed so.
To think & to think so much keeps ourselves from being happy into the future just imagine so to go.
Not that we or who from the very first meeting I would never & never ask for a chance at emotional connections into the idea of knowing I’m at risk & so demanded
To myself & who will never leave me, not for you, nor you, nor even for the one I allowed to reach the best of me which is
Only our human lot & means more then yourself.
No, not you.
There’s a song. “Bold As Love”, but no, I won’t do that
I am 17. When will I die? Will I never die. I will live to be something better then what I have allowed myself to be, & I will never go away, & you will never escape from me who am always & only a dreamer, despite this occasional, Spirit
Who lives only to her senses.
I’m only human, & I am not afraid to love, & I didn’t risk it all for nothing it meant more then what I could comprehend.
I came into your life to show you there was more then just running and fleeing from oneself
There was the newness of trust
The faith in keeping strong
This & that, and you are my fate, nevertheless
I take one last time to prove
The world’s one slow song that never changes beat unless we allow ourselves to quicken the pace instead.

testing, one, two, three

sweet.
hey John Mayer.